you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
