Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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