no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
