wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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