i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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