So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
