But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize