so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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