I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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