Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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