I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize