I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im part way to drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
