clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
