Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
