Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think my tv is drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
