Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
