You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
