Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
