Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
