Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
