he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
