The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize