woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
