First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
