i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
