I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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