I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
