If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
