Already got asked if we're dating
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
