ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
