sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
