the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
