i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
