Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even my vagina gasped.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
