i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
