You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
