Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
