Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
