a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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