I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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