hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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