Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
