I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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