Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
