i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
