Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
