she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
