Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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