Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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