I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
