I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
