my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
