Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
