from now on my penis is your penis
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
