I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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