I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
