The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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