I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
