Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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