He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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