are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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