I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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