If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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