u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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