Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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