She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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