No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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