found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
