The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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